Accepting God's Gifts and Blessings - 24 weeks

This entry was actually written in my journal during a lunch break while I was substituing this week. I'm publishing it because I feel that I've made a real turn around.

[I've been reading How to Enjoy Where You Are On the Way to Where You're Going by Joyce Meyer.]

Joyce Meyer points out that after each phase of creation, God saw that it was good and approved it. (I remember: "God made heaven and earth, and He saw that it was good.") Joyce interprets this as God enjoying His work and thinks we--people--should, too. Be happy with the smallest accomplishments. Enjoy them and celebrate them.

John 10:10 "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."
Joyce points out that we are satan's targets. He doesn't want us to be happy; he wants us to be miserable. Is my unhappiness about this baby the work of the devil? All signs point to yes. My selfishness concerning drinking and smoking [and being left out of the "partying"], financial worries, giving up my time. The devil has successfully been putting it in my head that a baby--one of God's most beautiful and miraculous blessings--is a bad thing! How did I let this happen?!?

God has given me so many wonderful blessings. I have a beautiful, intelligent son who is eaget to love me and spend time with me. I have a loving and devoted husband whose oly wish is for me to be happy. The Lord has always provided for me and provided abundantly. Then he gives me the gift of another child to love and raise to know Him, and I turn it into a tragedy! It's time to make the choice to turn this around [because happiness really is a choice!]

Thank you, God, for blessing Aaron and I with a baby. Thank you for always providing, for loving me and my family, for keeping my sister safe, for giving my aunt Sharon a renewed spirit, for answering all of my prayers [even if I didn't like the answer at the time]. Thank you, Lord.

I confess that I've been selfish. I confess that I've been hateful. I confess that I've let the devil into my heart and mind. I ask forgiveness, Lord, and I pray that you arm me for battle against him. I'm sorry, Lord. I see how much You truly love me. And I don't love You enough, not the way you should be loved, Lord. But I pray that you open my heart.

Can you imagine having this self-discovery five minutes before having to teach a class of seventh- and eighth-graders? I felt like rushing to the nearest church, calling my husband in jubilation, yelling from the rooftops! I felt as if I finally have the answer!

My enthusiasm has dimmed slightly, and anger has taken its place. I have a new determination to celebrate and enjoy this pregnancy, to enjoy my son and my husband, to enjoy my job, to enjoy my life!