Last Friday of April - 27 Weeks

The week in pictures!

On Tuesday night, Aaron and I went to the Brewers game in Milwaukee with our friends Steph and Chris. We'd never been to a game with them before and had a really good time. We sat in the family section--no drinking or foul language--but that wasn't a big deal. Got home late and were pretty tired. But fun!

Last Saturday, Aaron and I invited Evan's three cousins and his aunt and uncle to join us for Manitowoc's Eggstravaganza. The youngest cousin had no interest in letting go of mom or dad, but the other boys liked the chicks and bunnies.

Plenty of eggs to collect! The kids collected empty eggs by age group and then exchanged them for treat bags that were all equal. No need to be competitive.

I just love this picture of Aaron and Evan. Last night Evan called him daddy but then corrected himself. I know he thinks of Aaron as a dad even though he sees his dad a couple times a week. 

Ugh. I've been dreading this picture. But I know I'll regret it someday if I don't take it. This is my bump at 27 weeks and 2 days. I've gained a grand total of 5 lbs now. On the upside, those jeans are regular and not maternity. Pretty sweet, eh? I am officially in my third trimester.

And last but not least, I had to get a picture of the front of this shirt. My little Evan loves music and Aaron and I are hoping that our little Polka Dot feels the same!

Housing-- 26 weeks, 5 days

I've been feeling more and more crowded in the little two bedroom trailer we rent. The addition with the laundry room is nice and the basement is great for storage, but the actual living space is feeling smaller and smaller. This morning when I let the dog out, I realized that the roof in the back of the laundry room is leaking and/or flooding from the neighbor's attached garage. That was fun to clean up.

I'm looking around thinking, "Why did we think we could live here for a whole additional year? Where are we going to put a baby?" There's no room in Evan's room. Aaron is reluctant to move his dresser into the addition (but I plan on winning that war). It feels like every room in the house is about to overflow. And the addition is apparently unliveable.

To top it off, Aaron was working in the yard yesterday when he was approached by our landlord, who lives next door. The landlord was concerned about the number of vehicles at the house for Evan's therapy and asked if we were running a business out of the house. Aaron assured him that we were not running a business and that it was only therapists. The landlord seemed like he didn't believe Aaron, so Aaron suggested I call and explain.

I called the landlord, and he really did sound upset. I asked what his concerns were, and he said "Wear and tear on the property." I asked what he meant, and he said the carpeting and the septic. I told him that the therapists rarely used the restroom, and I asked therapists to remove their shoes when they entered the premises. I also added that I had been careful to warn them to stay out of the landlord's way in our shared driveway and encouraged them to do sessions outside over the summer. I invited the landlord to come and inspect the premises, but he declined. He said he just needed to make sure we weren't running a business, and I told him we weren't. I even invited him to inspect the therapists' time sheets with the dates and times they were here recorded on them or the letter informing me of the waiver from the county worker. Again, he declined. He stated again that if we were running a business, he really needed to know. I said again that we weren't and whatever I could do to show him or assure him that we weren't, we were willing to do. He said that wasn't necessary but sounded doubtful and let me go.

I've been anxious and upset ever since.

I have always been a good tenant, here and any other apartment I've rented. Our rent is never late. We do our best to keep the property nice. Aaron puts time and energy into beautifying and maintaining the grounds. (The landlord even commented last summer that our yard looks great and that Aaron must have put a lot of money and work into it.) We've done our best to minimize the wear on the carpet and ensure that there are no stains because we knew the landlord put it in right before we moved in. The front door is literally falling off the hinge, moulding all around the house has been literally falling off the walls, but we haven't damaged the property at all. In fact, I think we take better care of the property than anyone else ever has. The landlord's accusation was truly insulting.

He didn't say it, but I'm guessing he'd like us to move out.

I don't think he could legally evict us, and there really isn't any reason to, but I have a feeling he's looking for a reason.

So Aaron and I go back to our discussion of moving. We've been casually looking at houses since our engagement and agree that we really don't want to move unless we're buying.

I really want to buy a house. I really want this house. It's not much. A manufactured home on about two acres with three bedrooms. Plenty of room for our little family in the Kiel school district and in a rural setting with neighbors nearby. It needs a bit of work, but Aaron and I love it.

Unfortunately, we're pretty sure our very tiny nest egg--and I mean teeny tiny because we really aren't able to save much--is not enough for closing costs, let alone a downpayment. We could easily afford the mortgage payment but just don't have the starting costs.

Sigh.

I know there's really nothing I can do except pray and ask the Lord to guide us. I'm not really happy with where I am right now but am sure with hard work, lots of penny pinching, and the Lord's guidance, we'll come to own a home and figure out what to do in the meantime.

Friday Funday

Okay, so as I'm home more, I'm playing with the camera more. I'm trying to document the family life a little more in order to better my mood. Here we go!

Last night, we stopped at Walgreen's to pick up some Easter candy. Evan was looking for balloons and found this. He rarely asks for toys at the store. More often than not, he wants to spend about 30 minutes in the toy aisle playing and experimenting with toys he has no intention of bringing home. However, last night, he dug through the shelf to find this Diego Rescue Boat and asked very nicely if we could buy it. My heart melted and I agreed. He's been playing with it constantly!

This is a picture of a program that Evan is finishing up. It's called Block Imitation. Evan is taught how to build various structures, and this is one that I suggested. We can even add a triangle for a hat or a half circle for hair. Evan often gets bored with this program, so it will soon be retiring to a review program.

I've been begging Aaron to get a haircut for a few weeks now! He hasn't had a haircut since our wedding and was beginning to look ridicuous. I think he looks quite dashing!

A friend invited Evan and I over last night to color eggs. Evan hasn't colored eggs since he was about 18 months, and it was a disaster then! This time around he was much more patient and willing to take directions. He loved changing the color of his eggs and wanted to make them all green--his favorite color! as he tells everyone.

Finally, I was able to get Evan to pose with his egg. It's been well over a year since he would actually look at the camera and hold a smile. This is the first since his two year old pictures were taken. (He'll be four in June, to give you an idea.) He's carefully holding his green egg, which he decorated with green stickers and making nice eye contact. His smile isn't as full as a genuine smile is, but this is a start!

Evan's Recipe for Scrambled Eggs

How to Make Scrambled Eggs (...according to Evan)

Step 1. Break eggs

Step 2 & 3 Add milk and stir

Step 4. Pour into skillet

Step 5. Stir

Step 6. Pout that the eggs are too hot and leave them for Mom to eat

That's a Whole Lotta Rambling - 25 Weeks

I can't remember for sure but I think this picture was taken when Evan was less than a month old.



This picture was taken the other morning.

Same child; same dog. Just a little older.

Don't you love it?

I do.

Evan has been making incredible progress in therapy, school, and daycare. He sings all the time. It's so great to hear. He entertains himself by running through his list of preschool songs in the car, including "Ring Around the Rosie", "What's the Weather?", "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and "Twinkle, Twinkle". He's speaking in fairly full sentences and phrases, making some deliberate eye contact, and is so eager to show what he's learned.

Eddie seems to have fully adjusted to life in the house. He sleeps between Aaron and I every night. He plays with the blind kitty. He tolerates Evan except when Evan is mean to him. (That kid has been on soooo many timeouts for "No jumping on the dog!!!!") He's even left in the main house for up to four hours when we're gone. No accidents. Minimal food theft (i.e. eating the bag of chips someone left on the coffee table at nose height to him.) He loves to go for rides. It's so much fun to have a good dog.

Aaron is busy working on the yard. He bought top soil and seed last night. I love how much time he spends in the yard and that he's willing to let Evan "help". They have good man time together. I have this picture in my head that in two years I'll have two little boys following Aaron around the yard trying to to help, and Evan will be coaching his little brother. Of course, there's really no proof that this baby is a boy, but I can daydream.

I am getting a bit bigger, but it's as it should be. My uterus measures in accordance to my gestation. My weight gain has been very minimal. I find that I do best when I eat lots of light, healthy snacks. Because of my swelling this past weekend, my doctor suggested support stockings. Let me tell you--they are not the sexiest thing I've ever worn. However, I wore them all day yesterday when I was subbing for gym class and felt much less tired than I normally do after such a long day.

And of course my little Polka Dot, or Ninja Monkey as I like to call it, is doing quite well. Very active. Nice strong heartbeat. I swear this kid never sleeps. I think it's protesting coffee. For the second morning in a row, I had a small cup--I swear it was the smallest cup in the world!--and up it came. This morning sickness seems to be worsening instead of improving.

Finally, I just finished watching Gone With the Wind. I have no idea why I used to think Scarlett was a heroine. In my younger years, I thought she had changed by falling in love with Rhett at the end, but now I realize she really hasn't changed at all. She's the same person with the same goal. She makes me sick.

A Glimpse of What's to Come....?

Sunday was a horrible day. But it was also one of the best days I've ever had.

I bartended Saturday night and got to bed around 3am. After a series of nightmares, my alarm went off at 7:30am, and it was time to get up and get ready for the Brewers game my friends and I were going to. Other than not having coffee to drink--Aaron had either been too drunk on Saturday night or too tired Sunday morning to figure out grounds to water ratio--the morning passed uneventfully. I left the house knowing my feet were swollen and extremely tired but figuring I could sleep on the hour drive to Milwaukee.

Of course getting a group of ten people together for a Brewers game is no easy feat, but somehow we made it out of Sheboygan by 9:30. I was able to doze a bit on the way down but was still feeling pretty swollen despite the water I was drinking.

Tailgating was just fine. There were only four girls in the group, and we were sitting around talking together. Other than talking a little more about the baby on the way a little more than I'd like, I was pretty good. But I was also pretty swollen. I knew I was retaining water because I hadn't had to pee since I'd left the house and it was almost noon.

At some point, I decided to check my cell phone and received an urgent message from my step-mom, telling me to call her and that it was important. We played a little bit of phone tag but were eventually able to connect.

I knew it was going to be bad, and I was even sort of expecting the news she had. Her sister, my aunt, had passed away early that morning. We all knew it was probably coming. I hadn't known or been close enough, but much of the family had been there the night before to say good bye. But knowing someone is going to die still doesn't make it a happy experience. I think I did a nice job of holding it together on the phone. I tried to be loving and supportive because I knew Laura was hurting much more than I was. She comes from a big family, and this is the second sister they've lost. They all stuck together and took care of each other, so it's very painful for them to lose Carol.

But it was pretty hard to hold it together once Laura let me go.

Keep in mind, I'm in the middle of the Blue Mound lot in Milwaukee, surrounded by drunks playing bean bags with blaring music and no place to get it together. And I'm swollen. And did I mention I'm wearing jeans and a dark t-shirt and it's the first day of the year that the temperature is over 70 and the sun is shining right down on us? And I've had about 4 hours of sleep. And I'm 24 weeks pregnant.

Poo poo pachoo. I dry up the tears and put it to the back of my mind. After saying a few prayers, there's really not much else I can do right now. My sister is in Africa, so I can't call her and offer comfort. Laura seemed like she just needed some time to process. I didn't even have my cousins' phone numbers.

Everyone is finishing up eating and drinking. I'm standing beside my husband and one of his friends. Both of them have beer bellies. A girl makes a comment that the guys match me. Gee. Thanks. She's like, well, I didn't mean it in a bad way. Pregnant bellies are cute! Uh huh. Thankssss....... I feel my eyes welling up.

At this point we're ready to head into the park. I'm tired and getting more tired because of the crying. I don't feel really awesome, but I'm going to try not to be a party pooper. It's getting hotter, and I'm getting more uncomfortable. I'm swelling up like a balloon. We get to the home plate entrance and the line is moving, but no one from our group seems to want to go inside. Instead, we literally walk around the entire freaking park (for no apparent reason) and I get hassled for having a bottle of ice. Really? I'm clearly pregnant. I whipped it out and went inside.

Then all the girls have to go to the bathroom. Are you freaking kidding me? They went when we left the parking lot! Okay, fine, we go to the bathroom. They found it. I was shocked. I mean, no one could seem to figure out how to get into the park so I was really surprised they found a bathroom.

Anyway.

I get my mood together. Sort of. But everyone is drunk. And I'm irritated. To be honest, if there was a day to have a drink, I feel like this is it. And I don't get to partake. Then we need to go for a smoke break every other inning. Again--are you freaking kidding me? We're at a Brewers/Cubbies game. Why are we leaving our perfectly good seats on the first base line every 20 min?

Keep in mind that it's cooler in the park, but walking literally almost a mile to the smokers tent and then back, the heat, the people and traffic, and the smell of stale beer are all taking their toll. I'm exhausted. My feet are really swollen. I'm considering napping in my seat.

The game ends with a fantastic win--probably one of the best I've seen--and we head back to the vehicles. It's procedure to hang out in the parking lot and celebrate or wait for the traffic to die down. We have to take care of the grills and everyone's a little hungry and thirsty anyway. But again--the heat, swelling, tired. I'm almost in tears.

We hung out in the parking lot for nearly an hour before I started getting really whiney. I tell the driver of the vehicle I'm riding in that I'm ready whenever the rest of our group is. He agrees; he's ready to go. But some of the people are like, what's the rush? Hmmm... kids, dogs, being freaking exhausted. I'm not saying anything but when the matter is furthered pressed, I snap. "I'm pregnant. That's why we're leaving. Because I'm freaking swollen, and tired, and cranky, and I just can't stand around anymore. I need to go!"

Up until Sunday, I really hadn't had a bad pregnancy day. And now I'm thinking this summer really is going to suck for me.

Accepting God's Gifts and Blessings - 24 weeks

This entry was actually written in my journal during a lunch break while I was substituing this week. I'm publishing it because I feel that I've made a real turn around.

[I've been reading How to Enjoy Where You Are On the Way to Where You're Going by Joyce Meyer.]

Joyce Meyer points out that after each phase of creation, God saw that it was good and approved it. (I remember: "God made heaven and earth, and He saw that it was good.") Joyce interprets this as God enjoying His work and thinks we--people--should, too. Be happy with the smallest accomplishments. Enjoy them and celebrate them.

John 10:10 "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."
Joyce points out that we are satan's targets. He doesn't want us to be happy; he wants us to be miserable. Is my unhappiness about this baby the work of the devil? All signs point to yes. My selfishness concerning drinking and smoking [and being left out of the "partying"], financial worries, giving up my time. The devil has successfully been putting it in my head that a baby--one of God's most beautiful and miraculous blessings--is a bad thing! How did I let this happen?!?

God has given me so many wonderful blessings. I have a beautiful, intelligent son who is eaget to love me and spend time with me. I have a loving and devoted husband whose oly wish is for me to be happy. The Lord has always provided for me and provided abundantly. Then he gives me the gift of another child to love and raise to know Him, and I turn it into a tragedy! It's time to make the choice to turn this around [because happiness really is a choice!]

Thank you, God, for blessing Aaron and I with a baby. Thank you for always providing, for loving me and my family, for keeping my sister safe, for giving my aunt Sharon a renewed spirit, for answering all of my prayers [even if I didn't like the answer at the time]. Thank you, Lord.

I confess that I've been selfish. I confess that I've been hateful. I confess that I've let the devil into my heart and mind. I ask forgiveness, Lord, and I pray that you arm me for battle against him. I'm sorry, Lord. I see how much You truly love me. And I don't love You enough, not the way you should be loved, Lord. But I pray that you open my heart.

Can you imagine having this self-discovery five minutes before having to teach a class of seventh- and eighth-graders? I felt like rushing to the nearest church, calling my husband in jubilation, yelling from the rooftops! I felt as if I finally have the answer!

My enthusiasm has dimmed slightly, and anger has taken its place. I have a new determination to celebrate and enjoy this pregnancy, to enjoy my son and my husband, to enjoy my job, to enjoy my life!