On Having an Autistic Child

Having an autistic child is frustrating. There's no other way to say it. Yes, I'll admit it. My plan and God's plan are two very different things.

I struggle. I mean, I've really had to fight to get my son the therapy he needs, to get him to a point where I feel like he'll be able to function in society.

There are so many days that I watch him at playground group or school and just want to cry. Why can't he be like the other kids? Why does he have to self-stimulate? Why is he withdrawing? Why isn't he following directions? I have to remind myself that Evan has come a long way in his four short years of life. There is hope, and we've had many blessings.

Evan just became verbal a little over a year ago. Now, he's telling me stories about his day. He exaggerates about his fishing expeditions (like a true fisherman). He tells me very specifically how he wants his sandwiches prepared. "I want the yellow cheese on my big peanut butter san'wich." (translation: "Put some sharp cheddar on that pb&j, Ma, and don't cut it!") He tells me he loves me, that I'm his best friend and his favorite person.

The language alone is a huge blessing. Thank you, God, for giving my son the ability to put his feelings and wants into words. I appreciate that!

While Evan is far from perfect, he's also not severe. Again, I have to be thankful. It's not what I want, but it's God's plan.

I think I do everything I can to help my son learn, to teach him skills that he will need, or to put people in his life who can help him with his skills. I struggle with humbly obeying the Lord and not being a rebellious, angry "teenager". Accepting God's plans is part of being a Christian. It's a test of faith. I can stay up all night worrying--even though it really doesn't make me feel better--or I can pray, listen to God's directions, accept His plans for my life, and take action where and when I can.