I'm just a mess today

So... instead of subbing today, I'm spending the first day of my second trimester on the couch, crying. I'm drowning in an ocean of fear, anxiety, grief, and paranoia.

Yesterday, I was notified by Evan's case worker that his insurance company does cover his therapy. Getting WEAP and my case worker to cooperate is... difficult. I fear that we are going to drown in the debt of this and will have to declare bankruptcy. His waiver funds should be able to cover some of the co-pay, but my fear is: how much? This is a bad time to be expecting a baby.

In addition, I'm still not quite ready to tell the world that I'm expecting. And what I've sort of decided is that I just don't want to tell everyone. I want it to be a quiet affair. We'll tell those that we want to tell, but I don't see any need for a public announcement. I mean, people are going to figure it out after a while.

I'm getting upset because I'm getting bigger. I'm not gaining weight, but my belly is getting bigger. My brother--I told him yesterday because Aaron and I figured after he spent the weekend, he has  to know by now anyway!--said he could tell I'm losing weight but that I'm pregnant based on certain protuding parts. I hate being pregnant. I mean I HATE being pregnant!!!!  I don't hate the baby, but I hate being uncomfortable, getting bigger, getting stretch marks, morning sickness, vaginal discharge, constant badgering by those who know or suspect, having to buy new clothes and not having the money to, worrying about where to put a baby, and these gosh darn mood swings!

These constant headaches are an awesome treat! Let me tell you! I think it's time to call my doctor.