18.5 weeks and making a turn towards the better

Yesterday, Sunday, Aaron and I decided to try a new church. It's a small church in a rural area, which is perfect because we live in a rural area. Every other Sunday the service begins at 10:30 and that's also perfect, given my weekend occupation. We'll need to go back a few more times to make a decision. It seems like the kind of church I could get involved in, but I thought that about my last church, too. I'm hopeful, though. It was good to sing hymns again and to share in my faith.

Saturday, Aaron and I took Evan to the Tripoli Shrine Circus in Milwaukee. My grandpa is a shriner and was able to provide us with tickets for free. The seats were great, and we were even escorted to them. Due to Evan's nap on the way to the show, he missed lunch and was suddenly ravenous as soon as the show started... or as soon as he spotted the treats of the children around him. We got up three times during the first half of the show to go to the bathroom, get a snow cone, and buy popcorn. 

He really enjoyed his snow cone!

I offered to buy Evan a light up sword or glow stick, but he politely declined... Twice! The only souvenior he was interested in was the $3 giant circus balloon on a stick, shown here. He fell asleep holding it that night, played with it for two hours in his room by himself on Sunday morning, and then cried his little eyes out when he accidentally popped it.

Evan's second favorite act in the show was the elephant act. His grandmother had told him that there would be elephants at the circus and when they didn't show up during the first act, he quickly lost interest. There was lots of cheering as the elephants made their way out! 

I wasn't able to get a picture of Evan's favorite act, which were the motorcycle tricks. He actually stood up from his chair, yelling and cheering.

Finally, I found a Bible verse that I've been focusing on for a few days now that have really been helping me to get through. Psalm 43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. All of Psalm 43 is inspiring, but I clung to this last verse with every fiber of my soul. It spoke to me on a level that  no other verse has ever spoken to me. 

Between this verse and the start of the search for a new church, something in me awoke. I realized how terribly selfish I've been--how unloving towards my husband, how ungratel for the gift of motherhood, and how untrusting and disobedient I've been towards God. I spent much of my day cleaning but in meditation and prayer. Yesterday, I even told one of our close friends about the pregnancy and agreed to begin to tell others in the next week. I think I can begin healing now.