Scout is 5 Weeks

Scout is five weeks old and though I know it's unreasonable, I'm starting to get frustrated that she's still up twice a night for feedings.

Next week is my six week appointment. The following week I have opened myself up to be free for substitute teaching. It's the beginning of the school year, so I know they won't need me every day yet, but I'm hoping to get back to work with some consistency.

Funds are running low as of late. I have student loans that I'm working on. We have bills. Groceries are increasing in price. I've been starting to get scared. We're just treading water over here. And though I swore I was not going back to bartending ever again, I've been taking hours that my old boss has offered on the understanding that I will only work as fill-in and will not be coming back to my regular shifts, which were Friday, Saturday and Sunday and a total of 30 hours per week. (She still hasn't quite replaced me yet.) My family has been great and sending help when they can, but it is still hard.

I also need to go back to work for my own sanity. I love my children, but being in a house in the country with no long-distance phone plan has been difficult. The days get lonely. I practically smother my husband when he gets home. I'm constantly checking Facebook and have been starting to watch some of the most ridiculous shows on television.

Next week we will be on a trial run. I'll be going to bed at 7 pm, after putting my son to bed. I'll be getting up at 5 am, practicing getting myself, Little Shaver and Scout ready by 7am and checking for job postings. I need to know that I'll be able to do this--I have to be able to do this. I'm eager to get back in the swing of things. I just hope Scout is ready.