Do You have a Journal?


Do you have a journal? I mean other than your blog?
I do.
Sometimes there are things you just can't blog about. Sometimes I need a private place for my thoughts. And sometimes I just don't have access to a computer and need to put my thoughts down.
This is my journal.

Front cover of my journal. I used scrap wrapping paper and stickers that I found from when I used to scrapbook.

 I buy composition notebooks around the start of the school year.
I started this when I was student teaching a few years ago. My cooperating teacher handed me a notebook and told me to journal every single day. He encouraged me to use it to reflect on my experiences and observations. He encouraged me to participate in the creative writing course he took, write down ideas, or even just journal about what was going on in my life. Some days he gave me specific assignments. I remember him making me journal for 15 minutes one day when I was discouraged and was thinking of just giving up.
Now I buy two a year: one for personal use and one for notes specifically about my substitute teaching experiences.

Back of my journal. I wrote down quotes I found and liked using different pens or permanent markers. The quotes are things I found funny or inspirational.

I decorate the journals to make them my own. As you can see, I use different kinds of paper or post-its. I also put down quotes that I find, religious or secular, to inspire me or amuse me.
Much of the time when I turn to my journal, I need to let out something that I can't let out anywhere else. It's usually a sad or angry reason, and I find that I usually need a laugh or encouragement.

Inside cover of my journal. I used a bunch of different post-its that I found and liked, that I thought would cheer me up. Most of these are inspirational quotes about faith.

I can't really talk about what's been bothering me lately.
I can tell you that I've honestly been struggling with post partum depression. My doctor knows and is involved. There are therapists here throughout the day for my son's autism therapy, so I'm not home alone a lot. I love my daughter, but being home alone with the kids is too socially isolating for me. I look in the mirror and get depressed about my stretch marks. I think about the plans I had for my life that didn't involve having children. I think about the enormous responsibility of having two small children so entirely dependent on me and get overwhelmed. I have to remember that the Lord entrusted this task to me, that I have to follow His plan, that most women struggle with the scars of motherhood.
But some days I just need to be sad and grieve. And I put those thoughts in my journal.

A page from my journal. Sometimes I cut pages from magazines and attach things that I think I need to remember in their entirity and make notes about them.

I don't just put sad or mad thoughts in my journal. I used my journal to keep track of my plans for my baby shower and for Little Shaver's 4th birthday party, from the guest list, favors, to the layout of the party.
Sometimes I write down all the things I am grateful for.
Sometimes I put in my prayers.
Sometimes I just write down what's going on in my life.
Sometimes I use three or four pages to explore my thoughts on a given Bible verse.

Another page from my journal. On the right handside is a list of things that I was grateful for one particular day.

If you don't have a journal, maybe you need one. I know I do. It's helping me get through this difficult time.