I've been looking at my last post, trying to figure out how to get to that place again. So much changed in 24 hours.
On the 15th, it looked like this baby could come any day now. When the doctor checked me on the 22nd, there was no change. He looked concerned, pushing and poking more than usual, trying to make sure the baby was head down, double checking measurements. He finally said, "I think the baby's too small to put enough pressure on your cervix for you to go into labor."
Hmm. Okay. I'm processing here. What does that mean?
It means a couple of things, none of which are good.
1) My baby will have a low birth weight. We knew this was a possibility from the beginning, but the reality is a little scary. It doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible, but it's not good.
2) I'm going to be pregnant for a while longer. Not ideal. If you've been following this blog, you know I am probably the most miserable pregnant woman alive.
The above are the issues in their most basic form, but let's get down to the nitty gritty, shall we? The things that have been keeping me up at night--
Low birth weight means
all kinds of possible health risks for the baby.
my placenta may not be doing its job.
my Celiac's may be sabotaging my baby's health.
A full-term plus pregnancy means
more physical misery for me.
more emotional misery for me.
a longer period of harassment from friends and family--"Oh my God! You're still pregnant?!" or "You haven't popped that sucker out yet?!?" Eloquent, aren't they?
high anxiety for me, due to above comments and fear for my baby's well-being.
possible induction, which is usually a longer and harder labor and delivery.
more monitoring of the fetus. The placenta has a shelf life of about 40 weeks. After that it becomes less efficient.
I'm so uncomfortable with all of this. Everything may be fine, but have you ever had a sense? A premonition? A feeling? That something was wrong? Something was going to go wrong? That's how I'm feeling now. It's hard to keep it together when I'm feeling nearly hysterical from all above reasons and the nagging pit in my stomach that something wicked this way comes.
I guess all I can do is pray and hope and trust in my doctor.
Easter Joy
12 years ago
Didn't they do an ultrasound to check the size of the baby and see how the placenta looks? I'm sorry you are having such a worrisome pregnancy. My maternal serum test came back positive for spina bifida, so I know the worry. Luckily it was a false positive and a very intensive ultrasound proved Ella was perfect. We had monthly u/s after that because they were concerned she might stop developing. But in the end the worry was for naught and she's beautiful and perfect (and growing like a weed).
ReplyDeleteHope this pregnancy comes to a happy (and quick) end and you hold your precious little one soon.
Paula
Yes, Paula, they did a 20 week ultrasound. At that point everything looked great! As the pregancy has progressed, the rate at which my uterus has been growing and should be growing has been getting further apart. I am going in tomorrow and we'll be doing a non-stress test and talking about another ultrasound.
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