How a Toy Advertisement Shook My Understanding of Who I Am

When I was in third grade, I stopped playing with dolls. Well, at least publicly. At some point it became socially unacceptable to play with dolls.

I had forgotten about this until a friend shared this video on Facebook.

My immediate reaction to this video was "Girl Power!" I was raised by a single mom who taught me feminism. She taught me to never depend on a man, to be self-sufficient and independent. Upon further reflection, I remember early reinforcement from teachers at school to go to college, develop a career and achieve personal greatness. I was taught to value womens' abilities to succeed in the workforce and girls' abilities to do every thing a boy can do.

Why, then, was I frowning by the end of the video?

The song in the video repeatedly puts down the color pink. For the record, I have never cared for the color pink. When I was pregnant with my first two children, I was emphatic that no one buy pink if the baby were to be a girl. I didn't like the gender stereotype of "Pink for Girls". Within a week of Scout being born, I realized that several shades of pink were very flattering to her complexion and began to ask for pink clothing. Now that she's two, I try to let her pick out clothing, shoes, and toys; generally she does choose the color pink.

There's also a line in the song about how girls are only given dolls to play with. You and I both know this is a generalization but as Scout has been getting older, it's become increasingly apparent how innate the urge to nurture must be. She is so careful and so loving with her dolls as she practices her mommy skills. So now I'm asking myself what is wrong with girls, or boys for that matter, playing with dolls? Don't they teach and develop empathy and kindness in our young ones?

You can hate Barbies all you want, but don't they even have a value? I remember creating elaborate story lines for my dolls as a child. Didn't that help me develop my imagination and practice my communication skills?

I'm not stating that there is no place in the market for toys that encourage girls to develop math and science skills. I am stating that the message that dolls are bad toys is dangerous.

I recently became a stay-at-home mom. It took my having three children to finally recognize that my greatest accomplishment should be the raising of my children. How did it take 6 years and the birth of three children to come to that conclusion?

I believe that as a child of the '90s, I was given the message that family and all that is girliness is socially unacceptable. I was taught to want to be independent and career-oriented--to do what the boys do. This advertisement reminded me of these messages and suddenly I have an epiphany: Have I really hated the color pink? Did I really stop playing with dolls because I didn't like them? Did I go to college because I wanted a career? Or was I just taught these values and they were so deeply embedded that I thought I was doing what I wanted?

No wonder I have been struggling with motherhood and mother love--feeling resentful that I'm not excelling in the workforce and kicking corporate butt and am wiping butts and noses instead.

It's so late in life to be questioning where my values have come from and how much sense they make, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe I've been brainwashed all along.